Ticks – Checking Ourselves for Bitterness

I was driving home after a company function last week and ran my hands through my hair.  I felt a bump.  Exploring a little bit, I determined that it was not native to my hair.  I pulled it out, and to my surprise and definite disgust, it began to wriggle.  My first experience with a tick.

Later that evening, while reclining in my chair and hanging out with my wife, I ran my hand down my arm and discovered another bump.  Another tick.  Now utterly disgusted, I took a hot shower and thoroughly combed through my hair – and found yet another.

They weren’t deer ticks, so Lyme wasn’t a concern, but I just found it utterly disgusting that three ticks had been hanging out ON me for at least 8 hours without my knowledge.  Nasty.  Needless to say, I have been very conscientious about checking myself each time I come in to make sure that I am not harboring any disease-carrying arachnids!

In many ways, ticks are a lot like some of the negative emotions that we carry.  Just like we can go into the woods and come about with ticks without ever knowing it, we can go into messy or painful situations and come out with grief, anger, judgments, or vows without even realizing it.  And like ticks left undetected can cause Lyme Disease and other nasty things, these negative emotions can poison our hearts if we don’t process them effectively (note that I did NOT say repress).

What can we come with from “the woods” (emotionally painful or difficult situations we encounter)?

1. Grief – when we lose or can’t have something that we want, we experience grief and pain.  Oftentimes, this happens in the midst of a hectic time, or we don’t feel like we should be upset about something, and so we don’t take the time to cry or process the pain.  When our sadness and pain goes ungrieved, it can burrow into our hearts and result in bitterness, depression, cynicism, and numbness.

2. Anger / Rage – when we are hurt by something or someone, we will experience anger and frustration, often at the person who hurt us.  If we don’t acknowledge and feel our anger, grieve what we have lost, and forgive the people who we’re angry with (including ourselves), this anger can keep us continually anxious and upset.  Often, if our anger is not dealt with when it arises, it will fester under the surface until it “explodes” in rage at the slightest provocation, or emerges in indirect, passive aggressive behavior.

3. Judgments – A judgment is an evaluation (quite often incorrect) that we make about other people and circumstances.  For instance “Men (or women) are undependable.  They will never be there for you when you need them”, or “I am stupid”, or “Everyone is just out for themselves – you can’t trust anyone.”  These are perhaps the most “tick-like” of all of our negative reactions to hard situations, because we form these assessments without even knowing that we are doing so.  These judgments will distort our picture of life  and can trap us in self-protective or fear-driven behaviors.

4. Vows – A vow is a declaration that we will use our own power to make sure something never happens.  For instance, “I will never be taken advantage of again” or “I will never be humiliated like that again” or “I will never share my dreams with someone who will make fun of me again”.  There are two problems with these vows.  One problem is that life involves risk.  Oftentimes, the vows we make keep us from taking any risks, and therefore stop us from living life to the fullest.  The second problem is that when we take it fully upon ourselves to protect ourselves, we don’t trust God.

The amazing part about all these reactions is that like ticks, they can easily go undetected.  Often, when painful situations occur, we go numb and function on adrenaline.  This is a helpful reaction in the moment.  However, when the crisis is past, we rarely return to process what has happened.  The result is that we can have lots of grief and rage that we never feel, and make all sorts of judgments about life and vows about how we are going to live it that we never consciously examine.  Even when they aren’t conscious, though, they can get into our heart and affect how we live in some very dangerous ways.

Another reason we don’t often detect these things is that we’ve trained ourselves to believe that grief and anger are not emotions we should feel, and that they make us weak or bad.  Wrong.  They make us human.  And the fact is, we’ll either feel them consciously and deal with them in a healthy way, or they will stay underground and pop out in some very negative ways.

In order to make sure we’re not harboring emotional “ticks”, its good to examine ourselves thoroughly after painful situations or crises.  A few questions to ask yourself are:
1. How do I feel about what just happened?

2. Is there anything I wanted that I didn’t get or that I hoped would happen but didn’t?  Grieve it.

3. Is there anyone I am angry at (including myself or God?)  Forgive as you are able.

4. What conclusions have I formed about life?  Which are true and wise learnings?  Which are too black and white and probably not completely accurate?  Adjust them to become wisdom, not prejudice.

5. Where do I want to take steps to protect myself because of this situation?  Do the steps I have in mind include a trust in God to protect me and a willingness to continue to take “good” risks in the right situations?  Or are they black and white knee jerk reactions?  Again, adjust them to become wisdom, not prejudice.  Reaffirm your willingness to risk and be hurt if God calls you again into a risky situation.